You know when you have just a good day, you can't explain why, or what makes it great. Well today is one of those days that you just feel so good about life and everything in the world. I sat on the porch last night with Kailey and we just talked, politics, love lives, work, and just about everything in between. It was fun to talk to a good friend, and not be worried about what she might think. I feel like I have so much to be thankful for today.

I woke up this morning and was so happy to have the opportunity to be alive, and doing well. There is so much in the world that is going badly right now, and I couldn't be more happy with the good things that are happening to me at the moment. One of the things that is so great is that I have Cody in my life. I know I've said it a million times but he makes me so happy. He makes me want to be a better person, everyday whether he knows it or not. Thanks babe for all you do for me. :)



When life seems to get you on your knees all you can do is hope and pray that goodness comes from sorrow. I was able to reflect on my grandpa and his happy outlook on life even when it was tough to be happy. It's been a rough year without him, and still you can't be happy out of the sadness, because of the full life he lived. I hope that I can always find the goodness in life like my grandpa did through his whole life.

Trying So Hard

It seems anymore that my emotions are all messed up. I’m trying to juggle 3 jobs, getting ready for school, a boyfriend, and my family. It all seems to be coming at me from all directions anymore. School all in itself is frustrating, just for the fact that I’m doing school. Work is out of control, in the last week I’ve worked 38 hrs at Wellcome Mart, and the one day that I need off work no one will work for me. Is it that freaking hard to just help someone out? There is nothing more frustrating that some of the BS I have to put up with at work. The hotel isn’t too bad but I have a hard time anymore just sitting, waiting on other people. Summer school is out for 2 more weeks then school with start back up, so that hasn’t been to frustrating. Cody is great to just listen, but sometimes I’m not sure if some of the comments he makes are just joking around or if he is really serious. Family is always a toughy for me. I have one of the most dysfunctional families I know. I have my mom and step dad who, are “Just doing the best they can”, I have a dad and step mom who just sit in the back ground and hope things just happen in their favor. I have a brother that is so messed up you can’t even begin to try and understand how to help or even if you can. Then there is my sister who just exists anymore. I have not felt so much anxiety in a really long time.
Why is it that when all I do is ask a simple question or voice an opinion everyone jumps down my throat? Honestly if I wanted to know what you think I’d point blank ask you, “What do you think of this?”
I cry at the drop of a hat anymore, all I wanna do is tell the people that I’m frustrated with how much they anger me, and why. I drop all I do to help someone and they basically tell me to F off… I just try to understand something and make an ass of myself for trying to understand. I’m getting to the point in life where I wanna move on the next step, and just be done with family BS and be living in it.
I feel that life is just moving by, I feel like I’m on a time crunch and that I’m going to be left behind. I feel like something with Cody could drastically change, sometimes I wonder if I am just expendable to him. I feel like I’m not good enough when it comes down to it. He says that he would date someone that is like a size 2, and huge boobs, and everything I’m not. It makes me wonder if I’m not what he wants. He always says well you know where the door is, and sometimes I wanna walk out the door, and never look back. I just want him to love me, for me and who I am, that is all I want.
I just need to let it all out, I need to be me.

Please no comments, just a bawling fest. Thanks